I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
