well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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