so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
