So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
