Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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