he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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