i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
