I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
