Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
