Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
