It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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