after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
