he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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