i just wanna soil my oats bro
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
