Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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