I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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