im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
