I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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