my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
