Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize