No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
