And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
