You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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