she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize