I bet he comes in French.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened