Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀