Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day