ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes