I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
