Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she told me i tasted like america
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
