Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
