apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
