I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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