oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
