I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
