remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
