I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
