Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize