last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If I die, sorry about rent.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize