i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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