SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
