what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
