do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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