dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
