Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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