I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
