I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
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why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
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my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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