Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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