What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
