hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
