His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
