I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we're making bets on your personal life
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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