I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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