I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
