Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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