if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
