dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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