There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
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I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
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Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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