shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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