come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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