so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
