i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
