Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
