I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
