Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
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i came on her dog
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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