all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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