You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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