Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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