He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
