I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
