i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
