the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
