I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
