Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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