i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
