youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
